Working through the tough times

Things have been a little tougher than normal in the Wife in the City household recently. There's something on the horizon which is taking a lot of thinking and is quite big. And big stuff tends to have an impact on relationships. J and I deal with things in different ways. I talk, talk, talk and work through things by talking aloud (sometimes this gets me in trouble but most of the time it works for me). He doesn't talk (until I piss him off so much by niggling he finally breaks, which is never a good way to extract information). But we also focus on different aspects so get caught in that moment of mis-click where you're both aiming for the same point via a different path and those paths sure as hell don't cross.

The thing is we're married. We got married to work together through big and tough things (or a big and scary as trademarked by Peonies). And we're working through it. I cry and he hugs me close and tells me it'll all be okay. Or we work through how it'll be okay and what the options are. But it's hard, in all the time we've been together (almost eight years) things have always been relatively easy, university, jobs, family, living. So having a challenge is probably good for us but it's also unchartered territory, and as such just takes a bit of getting used to.

And when we have a tough week and come out of it smiling I know we'll be okay. Because we have invested in this relationship too much for it not to be okay. And because I love J too much not to work through a slightly tougher than normal time.

And then soon I'll finally share this thing which has been chewing at us. Until then my apologies for horribly cryptic posts. And hopefully I'll be perkier after we return from Paris this weekend!

Thoughts on friendship

I saw a couple of old friends recently on a couple of separate occasions, both of whom I haven't seen for a few months but who I am close to and have been close to in the past. But it got me to thinking, both these girls had no idea about something which right now to me is important and having a big effect on my life. Something which somehow they were unaware of. How had they missed this? Because I hadn't seen them or because our friendship had changed.

I know friendships change, I know they wax and wane and someone who is close at a time in your life might not be so close at another time. Often due to circumstances. But for some reason I always feel a little confused as to why these thing happen.

I also know that relationships need to be worked at but it's a fine balance between both parties working at it and one party putting more effort in. I'm never sure when to cut the effort off. Is a past friendship something which should always be worked at or do I need to accept when a friendship has passed that that's what happened and there are always plenty more opportunities to build relationships and new friendships.

It's something I have found myself pondering on as I've grown up and changed, life has changed, relationships have changed and so have friendships. I guess though that throughout it all I've always understood the precious value of friends, be they bloggers, colleagues or childhood friends.

Worrying

I'm a worrier. Always have been, probably always will be. Mostly it's silly little things that I occupy myself with but sometimes something bigger just sits over me and hovers there occasionaly tickling me with the little worries.

There's a big thing there right now, with each day passing it's either getting better or being replaced with another little thing all related to it.

One of the frustrations is not being able to talk about it here, for another few weeks at least. Blogland is so full of warmth, support and fabulousness that it would be nice to share. Until then I shall share with J who is my rock and without whom I don't know how I would have got through many of the big and little things in my life.

Sorry for being cryptic but even writing this helps me feel better so thank-you!

Things I do when my husband is away...

J is away for a few days and it got me to thinking how I change my behaviour when he's not around and so I thought it might be fun to share and see what others do/don't do when other halves go missing...

I watch trashy TV and don't feel guilty
I stay up later than I should to try and make myself tired enough to sleep
I eat on the sofa instead of at the table
I cook mushrooms (J hates mushrooms, which is very upsetting, although oddly enough he'll eat Morels...)
I stay late at work as there's nothing to go home for
I think of people to call to talk to because I miss coming home and telling him all about my day
I try and catch up on blogging!
I leave the washing up overnight
I miss him...

So now pray tell, what do you do when your other half isn't around?

29 Gifts - Days 3 & 4 and some introspection

Today my gift will be time for my husband. I have been selfish of late and thinking of my loss at not seeing him instead of thinking about all the pressure he is under at work. I miss him when I don't get to go to sleep next to him and then get all grumpy. When really I should support him, because the reason he's not next to me is because he's typing furiously in the living room and it's going on for midnight.

So tonight, we shall gift each other time, hugs and share some food and wine to remember why we're married, why we support each other and because we both know how important that support is to us.

Enjoy your weekend's!

What I cooked for Valentine's Day

J and I like to mark but not celebrate Valentine's day. I buy him a card, he forgets (or maybe buys one a few days later when he gets round to it) and we try and use it as a good excuse to spend some time together. He's been absurdly busy at work these past few weeks and so the opportunity to sit down together, cook together and eat together was too good to miss.

So on Saturday after meeting my friends for lunch I toddled off to Harrods food hall, at Christmas I had been given a gift card and now seemed like a good time to put it to use. And look what I found!

Yummy langoustines, all pink and pretty and looking ready for the pot. After a little consultation of Georgio Locatelli's Made in Italy cook book (incidentally one of my favourites) we had our rough recipe and off we went. Between us we managed to cook the dinner below:

Linguine with langoustine, served with pan fried scallops. Decadent and probably excessive for a Saturday night but also yummy and a great meal to enjoy together.

For pudding I tried my hand at custard to use in a Bread and Butter pudding. Surprisingly easy to make is custard, my recipe this time from Larousse. And then we settled in to watch a movie and finish the wine!

For me a wonderful celebration of my love for my husband and for the food, wine and most importantly time we get to spend together. Hope you all had lovely valentine's celebrations too, M x

A long long time ago...

J and I met and I didn't like him. And then we met again and we got talking and I thought now here's a nice intelligent kind of chap who likes food and wine. And we got to know each other. On November 1st 2002 we kissed. And on December 4th 2002 we 'officially' became a couple. Yes my dear readers, 7 years ago to the day J and I got together.

It wasn't a fairytale coming together, I was lying on his bed in halls musing to myself that since we were acting like a couple we might just as well be one. And from thenceforce we were M&J.

I originally went into the relationship thinking, why not? I'd never really had a proper boyfriend before and just wanted to know what it was like. And here was someone who strangely enough was willing to be my boyfriend, who I liked. So off we went. I never imagined that seven years down the line we'd be married. I thought it would last a few months, I'd go through my first break-up and move on stronger and ready for the next person. But it didn't work like that. The days passed, they turned into months, then years and we were still together, still happy with each other. Still happy in our relationship. We've never broken up and got back together. We've never really been close to breaking up. And truth be told I'm not sure how we've got this far without big hiccups, little ones of course, but nothing big.

So tonight we shall be dining at Kai, to celebrate this time spent together. And to toast to the next seven years. And I shall be thinking about how we can make the next seven as wonderful as the last seven.

So here's to relationships and love, because today I feel like it. Happy weekend's to you all. M xxx