Thursday, 8 July 2010

Thoughts on friendship

I saw a couple of old friends recently on a couple of separate occasions, both of whom I haven't seen for a few months but who I am close to and have been close to in the past. But it got me to thinking, both these girls had no idea about something which right now to me is important and having a big effect on my life. Something which somehow they were unaware of. How had they missed this? Because I hadn't seen them or because our friendship had changed.

I know friendships change, I know they wax and wane and someone who is close at a time in your life might not be so close at another time. Often due to circumstances. But for some reason I always feel a little confused as to why these thing happen.

I also know that relationships need to be worked at but it's a fine balance between both parties working at it and one party putting more effort in. I'm never sure when to cut the effort off. Is a past friendship something which should always be worked at or do I need to accept when a friendship has passed that that's what happened and there are always plenty more opportunities to build relationships and new friendships.

It's something I have found myself pondering on as I've grown up and changed, life has changed, relationships have changed and so have friendships. I guess though that throughout it all I've always understood the precious value of friends, be they bloggers, colleagues or childhood friends.


agirl said...

I used to feel really guilty about this. But over time, I've come to realise that life just isn't the same anymore, and no longer living down the hall or street from most of my friends, means that inevitably, we'll see each other less frequently. I really appreciate the long catch-up sessions we have nowadays, sporadic as they are. And as for the friendships that are worth keeping, those seem to be the ones where no longer how long it's been, when we pick up the phone to each other, or meet up, we pick up right where we were when last we spoke.

Marie said...

Yes, exactly, the ones where it doesn't matter how long it has been it is still right are the ones really worth keeping. I'm lucky to have a few of those. A few where they just know me, understand me and are the best of the best.

Rose said...

friendship can be a strange relationship. I have always thought some people are better at it than others, what some people really want is aquaintances and they don't know how to be friends.

it is a shame if you are someone who is a good friend and your other friends aren't that back- but really good true friendships are wonderful and to be cherished

babypicturethis said...

I agree - the best for life friends are definitely the ones when it doesn't matter how long it's been, you're still in the same place.

When reading this though, a thought did occur. In romantic relationships, I think, that at any given time, one of you loves the other a little more. Not that you both don't love each other a lot, it's just a little stronger in one of you at that time. And it constantly changes from person to person. Maybe friendships are a little like this too?

It is sad that things and people don't stay the same, I guess it's just how it goes.

I try to believe that people come into your life for a reason, and you into theirs, and then maybe there just comes a time to move on?

Sorry, probably more questions than answers!

Krystal said...

You're so right...I can think about things like this until I get all depressed feeling - it is sad the way relationships change - and I'm not a "let go" kind of girl. With some friends I find that you just have to get in touch with them and tell them what is going on with you - that opens up all kinds of communication and gives the relationship a push.
p.s. penguins are my absolute favorite animal so cute pic!

Kylli said...

And sisters being important as friends of course! You missed us in your list :)

I have managed to stay in touch with some close male friends who I was friends with for years at school, but it is highly sporadic - some of them I dont hear from for a year or so. However, whenever I see them it is awesome and we have a great laugh, even though we mostly all have partners and are starting famillies. I think a real friend will be like this, you dont' have to see each other or share everything like you did at school and can be quite transient at times but whenever you see them it feels like old times and comfortable.

I find I need different people to tell different things, sometimes I dont' tell my best friend something because I just dont' feel it suits the friendship.

There are only a small handful of people I tell mostly everything to and that my dear is Mum and my sisters.............

Friends are there for a reason and season and a lifetime.As things change and move in your life you will work out where your rocks of friendships are and which friends will come into your life and stay and which friends will only be there for a period that fulfils the purpose.

anna and the ring said...

For me, friends have come and gone.I think it is inevitable as I have changed and so have they.

The people I tend to love most are those who I see most often.

I always wish I had more time for them but there never seems to be. I see friendship as a giant machine with cogs moving in different directions and the specific teeth only interlinking occasionally. Maybe?!

Emily said...

Lovley post. My friends are my an expat for hte past 8 years, I have felt the same way. Happy weekending! x LZ

Metropolitan Mum said...

Funny, I have been thinking about this topic a lot recently. Things change even more if one of you has a child. Not always to the better, I am afraid to say.

Spare Thoughts said...

Ditto what agirl says for me the friendships that last are the ones that don't take work.

Gaynor said...

I agree with agirl & spare thoughts; the most important ones dont take work; we see each other when we can and its always the same when we meet up.

When you start to do your own thing with your life your friendships will always change however my best friends are still the girls from school; there were 10 of us for a while and the 9 of them were all at my wedding, granted some are closer than others and 3 were bridesmaids, 4 day guests and 2 evening guests but I do keep in touch with them all which i think is quite unusual in this day and age!