I woke up this morning and felt guilty. At first I couldn't work out why and then I remembered. I cheated on J. In my dream last night. Some of the dream is slightly hazy, I know for sure that the boy I cheated with was not someone I know, he was nameless but good looking. We were all at a party and for some reason I decided to go shopping with this boy, we had been looking for an excuse to escape. J was there but I didn't care that I was obviously going off with someone else. I know I kissed the other boy and I think then I felt guilty in my dream and returned to J who had been watching and waiting for me all alone at the party. I remember him asking me, did you cheat on me and all I could say was yes, but I didn't sleep with him. And then we left to get the Number 24 bus home.
I felt so guilty this morning that I told J. I'm not sure why though because it makes me feel horrible to know I dreamed this and that it could upset him that I dreamed this. And it's stupid because it really was just a dream, and one I shouldn't worry about. According to a friend dreaming of cheating is expressing an anxiety I have with another area of my life. So I really shouldn't worry but I still feel bad. Ah well, here's to a more peaceful nights sleep tonight...
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