Monday, 1 June 2009

Thoughts from the weekend

We spent a lovely weekend in Dorset with J's family and two things came out of it. One much littler than the other but both have been playing on my mind today.

1. J said I mother him more when we're back at his, I don't notice this but perhaps I do, maybe as competition with his mother? Or maybe to prove I'm looking after him. I'm not sure why but I must make a mental note to try not to so much when we're next down.

2. I'm often not willing to speak up for myself which makes me work something over in my mind far more then I should and thus get more upset. The example behind this is a longer one so if you'll bear with me here goes:

J's sister H was one of my bridesmaids, she came on my hen night, she did my wedding make-up and I really made an effort to include her in my wedding. She's getting married in August and had already told me she would have liked me to be a bridesmaid but if I was one then her other sister-in-law who she doesn't get on with so well would also have to be one. So I find out this weekend that now this other sister-in-law is a bridesmaid. I also find out that she's having two hen nights one of which has happened and neither of which I know anything about. Don't get me wrong it's her wedding, her decisions, I guess I was just upset not to have been told about the sister-in-law becoming a bridesmaid, if I had been told when it had happened I wouldn't have perhaps felt upset now. And on the hen nights again it's her decision but I want to be there to celebrate with her and to support her on this journey and I kind of feel like I'm being pushed away.

I know a lot of the reason is that I'm in London and she lives in Dorset so I'm not always there to remind her to include me. But I would like to be included. I should also say that she has asked me to do a reading which I have chosen, which I know is pretty special.

So I think I'm just going to say to her that I was a bit upset but am worried by saying that I'll cause more stress and trouble, which I don't want to do! Aaaahh!

Apologies for the ramble, I'm sure it'll all get sorted out very soon.

M x


Krista said...

You should just tell her you'd like to be invited to her second hen night, if she'd like you to be there. Send her an email, make it casual, but then she knows you're willing to travel to Dorset for her.

And if it really bothers you about not being a bridesmaid, you could always be a little sly. Say something like, "Oh, since 'other sister-in-law' is a bridesmaid, and you said you weren't inviting me because you weren't inviting her, does that mean I am a bridesmaid? I'm a little confused, but I just want to make sure I don't miss any fittings." Of course, it's a little petty, and it's one of those conversations I would imagine but then probably not say ... :)

Or you could just leave it. She did ask you to do a reading, after all. (I wouldn't leave out mentioning the hen night. Tell her you'd love to be invited.)

The Cwtch said...

Hmm tricksy. I agree with Krista re the hen night, I think a casual email should do it. The whole bridesmaid thing does seem a little mean. Don't worry though you will get it sorted out.

Being Brazen said...

casual e-mail will work :)

Ps - if i do pop by London we will have to do tea

Marie said...

Thanks very much. I agree on the casual e-mail. Keep it upbeat and sweet. It would be fun to go on another hen night and I don't want to miss out! I really do appreciate your thoughts.

And Brazen - Tea for sure!

LK said...

Just a thought on the mothering thing - could it be possibly be that he acts more like a child when he is at home?!? I know a lot of people do...

Rachel said...


bridesmaids politics are so difficult. two of my friends told me that they were disappointed I only chose my sisters.

I'm sure things will work out ok,